Limerics about Balrogs

Limerick by Nazgurl

There was a Balrog in a mine
Who's shape it was hard to define
Were the shadowy things
Really physical wings
Or tricks in the dark on men's minds?

Limerick by TheGreyman

A balrog flew hard to the shire
And burnt all the hobbits with fire
with whip and his sword
And orcs in the horde
Their bodies were lit in a pyre

Limerick by Gangi

There once was a beast they called Balrog
Whose crap was the size of a bullfrog
He'd flap his RED WINGS
on a toilet of KINGS
It took legions of orcs just to unclog.

Limerick by Legolamb

Balrog Limerick

You know Balrogs, they don't got no wings
But they do got pretty big things
One gave a loud shout as he whipped his out
And with it slapped Gandalf all about

And songs:

Balrog Flying Too Close To The Ground
Posted by Dunadan Companion


I blocked up that chamber door and hung around a while
Trying to those orcs out and your badass down


Leave me if you need to,
I stay and dismember
Balrog flying too close to the ground


I know someday that I will wander away
Cause I the baddest wielder of Anor


So leave me if you need to,
I stay and dismember
Balrog flying too close to the ground


Fly on fly on down the stairs to the right
And choose the ways that lead you down


So leave me if you need to,
I stay and dismember
Balrog flying too close to the ground


Its an old tune which Willie Nelson updated in the 70's.
Alas he left out all mention of the Balrog (changed it to Angel I believe).

The fires from thy nose,
The dwarf-juice twixt thy toes,


Thy claws are stained of blood,
Thou eyes as clear as mud,


You sweep me off my feet,
and off the bridge, my sweet,


But tell me, Balrog fair,
Who does thy lovely hair?

Balrog Love Song
Posted by Feataure

"Lewis popped in yesterday, seeking not for the first time! to convert me to the camp of Madonna devotees, but of course I would have none of it. I have always been, and shall ever be,devoted exclusively to American country music, the influence of which has greatly coloured all my work. Indeed I may say that, had it not been for Merle Haggard (and for Hank Williams, son of Hank Williams, King of Hillbillies) I should never have completed the story..."
J.R.R. Tolkien, 1953

In light of this famous quote, I have written this country ditty which I hope will be brought to the attention of the filmmakers. The song is sung by Frodo. The chorus is provided by the Fellowship, which accompanies itself on washboards, moonshine jugs, etc.:

There's rings on fancy napkins,
And there's rings in peoples' tubs;
There's rings that's left by bottles
In these bars we're callin' pubs;
There's rings that says you've gotten hitched,
Or won the Super Bowl:
But here's the Ring that whups 'em all,
A-whuppin' on my soul!

(chorus)
It's whuppin', whuppin', whuppin' on this hobbit's hobbit-soul!
It's whupped him buggy-eyed and double-jointed!
But hear our song of country cheer (the orcs like rock-an'-roll)
With hobbit-ears, which MOST believes is pointed!

I got it (on my birthday)
From a crazy, rich relation
Who stuck me with the the Rulin' Ring
That saves or sinks Creation;
I'll tote 'er to the Cracks o' Doom
And see if I can ditch 'er:
I wish I was Tom Bombadil,
'Cause he ain't in this pitcher!

(chorus)
That rascal stuck 'im with the Ring that made a wreck o' Gollum!
It's purty, but it's meaner than Lobelia!
And if it gets ya roped and tied, the doctors (if they call 'em)
Will say there ain't a doggone thing can heal ya!

I ain't no hero ('cept compared
With prancin' Elven sissies)
And yet I'm on a mission fit
For Jason or Ulysses:
So do some thinkin', buckaroos,
Before ya call it simple:
Adventures ain't fer pudgy guys
The size o' Shirley Temple!

(chorus)
He's sized like Shirley Temple, but there's Hercules inside 'im!
And orcs and spiders only make him madder!
And if we had the Balrog here, that squirt could up an' ride 'im--
And FLY him, if his wings is more than shadder!

To learn what happens, read the books,
'Cause they has got the answer:
We chucks this evil joolery;
We whups the Necromancer;
The king, he claims his fancy throne;
The folks, they waves his banner;
But as for me, I've larnt I won't
Be playin' no pianer!

(chorus)
He'll never play pianer! No, he's had a digit swallered!
But, shucks! We've went and made us each a million!
We'll buy up half o' Valinor, 'cause now they got us collared
To star in New Line's Nashville Silmarillion

Limerics and song have been sent by Nifrodel